#fatfreefloozy

I have this thing that I hate about myself. It's maybe an anxiety thing or a lack of confidence, but I don't want to label it really to give it any power over me. My hubby calls it my fat freak out moments. It takes the form of changing my outfits ten times before heading out for the night and throwing each one on the floor with a "valid" reason for why it looks terrible, or maybe getting physically ill before I have to go onto the stage, or not applying for higher positions because I "know" that they won't hire me. It can also take the form of me becoming almost paralysed for minutes/hours/days before certain events and internally shitting my pants. This is what happened to me today. My little nephew is severely obese. He is 14 and I'm not even sure how much he weighs anymore. But at 10, he over took my weight and I was severely obese then too, but I was 35. He has just signed up for personal training with an ex-army corporal to keep his weigh...

I am back from the land of the long white cloud! And 12 days of cruising! Such a beautiful holiday! Let me tell you, New Zealand is gorgeous. I visited Auckland, Wellington, Akaroa, Dunedin, Tauranga and Milford Sound. I could live there. Every place was just picture perfect. We ate so much but thanks to Zumba and daily ten kilometre walks, no weight gain! Phew! Being back brings a new set of challenges. Back to work. Back to finding time for exercise with a full-time job, a part time job and my hobbies! Finding a way to eat without obsession. So, Welcome to my month with FitnessPal. For a month I am going to track everything that I eat and try to get my portion sizes and food balance/nutrient balance right. #goodbyeholidays FFF xoxo

I'm over reading about this lovely lady's pending nuptials and realised that I may have neglected to post my own wedding pics? Really? I actually felt pretty on the day. I mean, I made my debut at 16 and felt kind of pretty until I saw the other debutantes and they were all half my size, so then I felt like a heffa! But, on my wedding day, I felt lovely! And feminine! And 50kgs lighter! And, I didn't worry about my flabby arms cos I was too happy and excited to care (well, until the wedding pics came out and then I was like, "Why didn't the photographer tell me about that fat roll/that double chin/that arm wobble?). Here is the photo that made me take this journey (before) and my wedding day 12 months ago. i was wearing black which is, you know, slimming : ( My fave pic of my sis and I The dress ` My gorgeous dad and I This makes me wanna rip my band out and give her a great big hug! But, I have work to do still. 20 kilos! I'm 40 this year...

I love the welcoming feeling of the New Year. I love looking back on the year and thinking about what is to come, but most of all, how I can make the next year better. How I can make myself better. It's incredible how things can change your whole perspective of things. For the past ten years I have been working with someone who I once really admired, but five years ago our relationship went toxic. A few things happened and we were both caught up in this negativity and nastiness which just wouldn't go away. I am not amazed by the change in the other person. I was amazed at the change in me. I doubted my ability to do my job. I was anxious to go to work in the morning. I was nervous about making decisions and taking on roles that put me in the spotlight at all. It ate me from the inside out. It changed my positive attitude and I started to think negatively about things. Well, this toxic person has just transferred to another workplace and it is over 14 hours away and I am beyond ...